


i'd rather be at home

by indistinct_echo



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Early Relationship, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-04
Updated: 2020-09-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:54:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26292214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/indistinct_echo/pseuds/indistinct_echo
Summary: Home means a lot of things, and it means a lot to Phil.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 19
Kudos: 61





	i'd rather be at home

“I’d rather be at home,” Phil thinks to himself as he looks around the room. It’s the same dorm he had last year, and he’d hoped that would help him not feel this way, but it’s still not home. His parents just finished helping him move back in, and, now that they’ve completed that task — and scared Phil’s roommates half to death in the process — they tucked themselves back into the car and are on their way home.

_Home._

That’s where Phil wants to be. A word for a place that so perfectly embodies the warmth and the love and the chaos of a family all sharing a confined space.

It’s perhaps a silly desire, but Phil wishes he could just transport his house and everyone inside of it onto campus. He thinks he’d like being able to go to classes and being around all of his friends and being able to return to his bed at the end of a long day.

He could still do that, he supposes. Brave the hours and hours of public transport and be home in time for dinner. But going home for a night and _being_ home aren’t the same. If he brings clothes home with him instead of just opening the drawers, if he strips the bed when he leaves because he’s not sure he’ll be the person who sleeps in it next, can he really make any claim to the space? Is he anything more than just a guest?

He’ll be fine in a few days. He’ll have adjusted back to Uni and will be able to fall asleep well enough in his cheap university bed that he won’t have time to miss his old ceiling, of all things, when he stares up at his current one through the hours and hours of sleepless nights.

But that won’t bring the people he loves or the smell of Mum’s cooking or the sound of his brother’s laughter any closer. While Phil knows that he’ll one day feel comfortable here, it will never be his home.

_

Phil’s walking around Manchester with Dan, and he's happy. If he weren’t forcing himself to be the responsible one with regards to how touchy he and Dan are allowing themselves to be in public, he’d think today could even be considered perfect. But he _is_ being responsible. And while he knows it’s the right thing to do, there’s a part of him that hates it.

He hates that his eyes immediately dart nervously towards any passerby whenever the backs of their hands brush. The contact always makes Dan blush profusely, and Phil wishes he could just stare at him and his caring eyes and his rosy cheeks and enjoy their shared moment.

But he can’t. Because he’s not home.

At home, they can just be themselves. At home, Phil doesn’t tense up as soon as Dan gets wherever Phil’s anxious brain has decided is too close for people claiming to be “just friends.” At home, there are no barriers preventing them from showing each other their love.

And, yeah, they definitely are a lot less handsy in front of his parents than they are within the four walls of Phil’s bedroom, but were Dan to smile at him over breakfast from across the kitchen table, Phil would have no qualms about quietly linking their ankles underneath it.

His parents seem to know even if they don’t _know_ , and that’s enough for Phil. It feels like they really understand him, and the fact that he can’t bring himself to say the words, even after all of these years, just doesn’t seem to matter anymore — somehow, they already know, and they love him all the same.

_

“Any big plans for your birthday yet?” Dan asks one day early in January.

“I’m sure we’ll do the usual,” Phil says. “A couple of friends, a couple of cakes, the works.”

“Of course,” Dan says with a very serious nod. “We need to have a least a week’s worth of celebration in honor of your existence.”

Dan’s teasing, sure, but Phil can hear the love in his voice just below the surface. He hears that love every single time Dan speaks no matter how tired, how hungry, or how cross. It’s maybe one of Phil’s favorite things about him.

Phil rolls his eyes. “You can stay here, if you want.”

Dan’s eyes go fierce, but the effect is softened by his fringe falling into his face. “Never.”

_God, he’s perfect._

Phil leans forward and kisses him.

Once Phil pulls away, dizzy and somewhat out of breath, Dan immediately gets back to the matter at hand:

“What about for the date of your birth, itself. Anywhere you particularly want to be?”

 _Anywhere with you_.

Phil shrugs. “Home, I guess.”

“Great,” Dan says. “We can order flights tonight, if you’d like. Let me just message the parents to give them a heads up…”

He reaches into his back pocket for his phone.

Phil grabs Dan’s arm before he can retrieve it. With the other hand, he cups his fingers around Dan’s jaw and right cheek.

“No, Love. I’d rather be at _home_.”

**Author's Note:**

> Like/Reblog [here](https://indistinct-echo.tumblr.com/post/628368724079050752/id-rather-be-at-home) :)


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